Questions of the Heart

Do you follow your heart and how you feel, or your brain and what you think? When common sense tells you no, do you let the power of your feelings take over. When fear digs deep, do you abandon it to see exactly how far you can go using fact?

This is a problem I face a lot, and more than ever, wish I could find a good answer to. People always talk about taking risks and going out on a limb. Ironically, I have never really been that person. Especially when it comes to people. Especially when it comes to people that I care about, have feelings for, or have to be around a lot. All of these people fall somewhat into the same category. I guess the biggest challenge for me is making the decision to make a change that could impact a relationship.

Part of my recent venture has been making decisions that will ultimately satisfy my own personal happiness and not that of others. I am told that if your relationship with someone is solid and you are making a decision to better your life, your relationship with that person will ultimately overpower the decision that was made, regardless of the intial reaction. I guess I question that statement a great deal. What happens when your decision is not necessarily if you should do it for you or someone else, but to what extent you would like to satisfy your happiness.

I can only stop and laugh at myself every now and then because a strength is often balanced out with a weakness. While I enjoy people and love being around them, it is very difficult for me to make decisions that could in any way compromise my relationship with anyone. Is it necessarily a compromise? Maybe not....but as long as you are not at least 75% sure of what direction things may go, in my world, that is a large risk.

So how much does this even make sense to anyone other than me? I am not sure. I can definitely say that it is a huge problem for me and I need to figure out a way to fix it. Is it worth the risk? If it is, how do you convince yourself of it. I guess seeing the future would mean you wouldn't really have to take a risk anymore. :-)


"You must take the risk to disclose yourself in order to become more real, more human. And even if the price is high."
- Isabelle Adjani


"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."
- T. S. Eliot