Do you follow your heart and how you feel, or your brain and what you think? When common sense tells you no, do you let the power of your feelings take over. When fear digs deep, do you abandon it to see exactly how far you can go using fact?
This is a problem I face a lot, and more than ever, wish I could find a good answer to. People always talk about taking risks and going out on a limb. Ironically, I have never really been that person. Especially when it comes to people. Especially when it comes to people that I care about, have feelings for, or have to be around a lot. All of these people fall somewhat into the same category. I guess the biggest challenge for me is making the decision to make a change that could impact a relationship.
Part of my recent venture has been making decisions that will ultimately satisfy my own personal happiness and not that of others. I am told that if your relationship with someone is solid and you are making a decision to better your life, your relationship with that person will ultimately overpower the decision that was made, regardless of the intial reaction. I guess I question that statement a great deal. What happens when your decision is not necessarily if you should do it for you or someone else, but to what extent you would like to satisfy your happiness.
I can only stop and laugh at myself every now and then because a strength is often balanced out with a weakness. While I enjoy people and love being around them, it is very difficult for me to make decisions that could in any way compromise my relationship with anyone. Is it necessarily a compromise? Maybe not....but as long as you are not at least 75% sure of what direction things may go, in my world, that is a large risk.
So how much does this even make sense to anyone other than me? I am not sure. I can definitely say that it is a huge problem for me and I need to figure out a way to fix it. Is it worth the risk? If it is, how do you convince yourself of it. I guess seeing the future would mean you wouldn't really have to take a risk anymore. :-)
"You must take the risk to disclose yourself in order to become more real, more human. And even if the price is high."
- Isabelle Adjani
"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."
- T. S. Eliot
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Thursday, January 12, 2006
What is "RIGHT"?
"I'd rather be dead and in heaven than afraid to do what I think is right." - Charles Evers
Maybe it is just me, but do you ever get that feeling that you shouldn't do what you think is right? Not because it is wrong to do it, but maybe the people around you don't want you to. Maybe what is right is not necessarily good. Is it right because you think it is right, or because society says it is right?
I used to believe that you should always do what was right, and then I learned something new. The big question is not how right is it, but why it is right. I can admit that I am a "feeling" person. I allow my heart and feelings to be a big part of the decision making in my life. That probably comes as very little of a surprise to anyone who really knows me. I guess that is why this dillema came about.
What is "RIGHT"?
right (rt)adj. right·er, right·est
1. Conforming with or conformable to justice, law, or morality: do the right thing and confess.
2. In accordance with fact, reason, or truth; correct: the right answer.
3. Fitting, proper, or appropriate: It is not right to leave the party without saying goodbye.
If you look at the three definitions, it makes less sense then it did at the beginning. So, how often do we really do things because they are right? How often do we do things because it is how we feel?
Should I live my life the "right" way, or the way I feel it would be best lived? If you know the right thing is not necessarily the best thing, should you do it? Why do we always have to be "RIGHT". Obviously, I think when Charles Evers says he would rather do what was right, I am not totally sure that he just means right.
RIGHT. A five letter word with a lot more meaning.
Maybe it is just me, but do you ever get that feeling that you shouldn't do what you think is right? Not because it is wrong to do it, but maybe the people around you don't want you to. Maybe what is right is not necessarily good. Is it right because you think it is right, or because society says it is right?
I used to believe that you should always do what was right, and then I learned something new. The big question is not how right is it, but why it is right. I can admit that I am a "feeling" person. I allow my heart and feelings to be a big part of the decision making in my life. That probably comes as very little of a surprise to anyone who really knows me. I guess that is why this dillema came about.
What is "RIGHT"?
right (rt)adj. right·er, right·est
1. Conforming with or conformable to justice, law, or morality: do the right thing and confess.
2. In accordance with fact, reason, or truth; correct: the right answer.
3. Fitting, proper, or appropriate: It is not right to leave the party without saying goodbye.
If you look at the three definitions, it makes less sense then it did at the beginning. So, how often do we really do things because they are right? How often do we do things because it is how we feel?
Should I live my life the "right" way, or the way I feel it would be best lived? If you know the right thing is not necessarily the best thing, should you do it? Why do we always have to be "RIGHT". Obviously, I think when Charles Evers says he would rather do what was right, I am not totally sure that he just means right.
RIGHT. A five letter word with a lot more meaning.
Monday, January 09, 2006
My Search
"My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return."
-Maya Angelou
-Maya Angelou
Sunday, January 08, 2006
The Light
I always joke with people about how my sanity may be close to gone. I guess the more I think about it, the more I may be telling the truth. I just had what I may classify as one of the most enjoyable weeks of my entire life. Why, you ask? I spent my week in Florida for a wedding. Yes, a wedding. Why did I enjoy it so much? For several reasons. First of all, I got to see some friends that I have not really seen or talked to in years. Second, I didn't have to worry about my job. Third, I had an awesome friend with me. Fourth, I didn't have to worry about anyone or take care of anyone. I guess to some people, this all may sound pretty crazy, so I will start from the top.
I have found that in my life, as much as we definitely come to adjust to our environment, it is very easy to find yourself detached from the world that you used to be a part of. While it may not be dramatically different, the little differences may be the difference between a little and a lot. Of course my life in high school was by no means perfect, nor was it terrible, but it was a part of my life. There are friends that I miss and people that I think about. There is always a certain part of me that will be there, and until this weekend, I think I may have tried to put that aside.
I will definitely say that it was nice to get away from my job. I love what I do, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't carry a certain amount of stress and consume enough of my time that it can become somewhat heavy. I have found that doing a job that you love and have a true passion for is great for productivity, but can be dangerous for your life if you are not careful. Phi Kappa Psi has been influential in the way I have grown throughout college and the short span of my adult life that I have lived thus far. One thing I am realizing however, is that while you may have a certain passion for something, you can not allow that passion to get in the way of your life and who you are. I think this is a problem I often face with both myself and my peers. "Leave the work and take care of 'me' " is the Phrase for today.
One of the most important parts of my trip was my friend. It is nice to have someone around that will be honest with you, be themselves, and accept you for who you are. Their was never a "stop that, you are embarassing me" or a "don't be so stupid". Just fun and acceptance for one another. As much as I would like to say otherwise, that is not something that I find in many people. People always have to be "cool". We don't want to make a fool of ourselves or embarass ourselves. I guess even I can sometimes forget how much fun life really can be and how important it is to just live it. So what if people think you are crazy, as long as you are being somewhat respectful in the process. I love being myself. I guess it is not something I feel like I get to do often while I am working. I can somewhat be myself, but their are always those things that you have to hold back, and sometimes for good reason. You have your work personality and your "life" personality. Unfortunately, due to my job, a majority of my life is spent in "work" mode.
I realize that I worry a lot. I am concerned about other people. It can be annoying sometimes. I am getting better, but I do realize that the best way to avoid worrying about people is to have people around that you do not have to worry about. Be 24. Act your age. It is nice to have people like that around. I have more fun.
In my work, I often tell people that we are only going to get out of our experiences what we put into them. On a larger, much more powerful scale, the same is true for life. We have to live, have fun, and explore. We can't hold back because of what someone thinks or how someone feels. We can't always put ourselves aside for others. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and make sure that you are enjoying life.
Sometimes I wonder, at the age of 24, what am I going to figure out next.
I have found that in my life, as much as we definitely come to adjust to our environment, it is very easy to find yourself detached from the world that you used to be a part of. While it may not be dramatically different, the little differences may be the difference between a little and a lot. Of course my life in high school was by no means perfect, nor was it terrible, but it was a part of my life. There are friends that I miss and people that I think about. There is always a certain part of me that will be there, and until this weekend, I think I may have tried to put that aside.
I will definitely say that it was nice to get away from my job. I love what I do, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't carry a certain amount of stress and consume enough of my time that it can become somewhat heavy. I have found that doing a job that you love and have a true passion for is great for productivity, but can be dangerous for your life if you are not careful. Phi Kappa Psi has been influential in the way I have grown throughout college and the short span of my adult life that I have lived thus far. One thing I am realizing however, is that while you may have a certain passion for something, you can not allow that passion to get in the way of your life and who you are. I think this is a problem I often face with both myself and my peers. "Leave the work and take care of 'me' " is the Phrase for today.
One of the most important parts of my trip was my friend. It is nice to have someone around that will be honest with you, be themselves, and accept you for who you are. Their was never a "stop that, you are embarassing me" or a "don't be so stupid". Just fun and acceptance for one another. As much as I would like to say otherwise, that is not something that I find in many people. People always have to be "cool". We don't want to make a fool of ourselves or embarass ourselves. I guess even I can sometimes forget how much fun life really can be and how important it is to just live it. So what if people think you are crazy, as long as you are being somewhat respectful in the process. I love being myself. I guess it is not something I feel like I get to do often while I am working. I can somewhat be myself, but their are always those things that you have to hold back, and sometimes for good reason. You have your work personality and your "life" personality. Unfortunately, due to my job, a majority of my life is spent in "work" mode.
I realize that I worry a lot. I am concerned about other people. It can be annoying sometimes. I am getting better, but I do realize that the best way to avoid worrying about people is to have people around that you do not have to worry about. Be 24. Act your age. It is nice to have people like that around. I have more fun.
In my work, I often tell people that we are only going to get out of our experiences what we put into them. On a larger, much more powerful scale, the same is true for life. We have to live, have fun, and explore. We can't hold back because of what someone thinks or how someone feels. We can't always put ourselves aside for others. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and make sure that you are enjoying life.
Sometimes I wonder, at the age of 24, what am I going to figure out next.
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